Wednesday, 7 December 1994

Creating Connections

This talk was given at the London Buddhist Centre, Sangha Day, Nov 1994

Sangha is about creating connections with other people who want to grow and develop through Buddhist practices – meditation, puja, communication, study, mindfulness, ethics.

Today we are celebrating Sangha. We are celebrating the existence, value, necessity and beauty of the Sangha, of all people who have attained insight into Reality – the Arya Sangha and we are celebrating the existence, value, necessity and beauty of all the people who are striving to change and grow through the practice of the Dharma – the Maha Sangha.

We are celebrating the Sangha which we go for refuge to – the Arya Sangha and we are celebrating the Sangha which we go for refuge with – the Maha Sangha.

The Arya Sangha is represented for us by the great Buddhist teachers – Marpa, Milarepa, Padmasambhava, Dogen, Hui Neng and so on and by the archetypal Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. This is the Sangha which is our refuge – this is the Sangha which guarantees the Dharma, which preserves the treasure. This is the Sangha we can rely on totally. These are the 'powerful protectors' whom we bow to in 'entreaty and supplication', asking for teachings to guide us and lighten the burden of our suffering. This is the Sangha we go for refuge to when we recite the formula Sangham Saranam Gacchami.

The Maha Sangha is the Sangha we go for refuge with. For us the Maha Sangha is the people we are in contact and communication with as we tread the Path of Ethics, Meditation, Mindfulness and so on. This is the Sangha that we need to connect with. We need to connect with each other. Out of our collective practice and communication we can create the ideal conditions for Insight to arise. In other words we can create the ideal conditions for the Arya Sangha to arise. By putting effort and energy into the creation of the Maha Sangha, we will also be helping to create the Arya Sangha.

What this means is friendship. By being friendly, in an ordinary way, we create the context and culture in which spiritual friendship kalyana mitrata) can arise and flourish. And spiritual friendship is Sangha. Our communication with one another is Sangha.

So, ideally, the way for us to create Sangha is to live together and to work together. That is the advice of the wise. That if we live together and work together as Buddhists, communicating and practising ethics, then we will create Sangha, we will build spiritual friendship. We will create the conditions for the manifestation of Insight, for the manifestation of the Sangha Refuge.

So the question to be considered is – does this work in practice? Is it the case that Buddhists living and working together creates spiritual friendship, create Sangha? Before this question could be answered we have to consider more fundamental issues such as – what is a Buddhist and what exactly is meant by living and working together?

So very briefly and very simply, a Buddhist is someone who is effectively Going for Refuge to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. What does it mean to be effectively Going for Refuge to the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha?.

Again briefly – to Go for Refuge effectively means to be willing to take responsibility for ones life and ones mental states and to take all necessary steps to change in a positive direction – to take all necessary steps as advised by the Buddha and in our case by Bhante Sangharakshita, to change in the direction of greater skilfulness, greater compassion and greater wisdom. So if we want to be Buddhists we have to be willing to take responsibility for ourselves and for our mental states. All too often we feel or think if only that other person was different or if only circumstances were different – then we would be happy, or then we could have different mental states, then we could be more positive. This if only attitude is not taking responsibility. This is not effective going for refuge. This is ineffective, passive. This is being a victim and it is not the sort of attitude that will create Sangha. It is not helpful either to ourselves or others.

We need to actively take responsibility for ourselves. If I am unhappy or lonely or isolated or angry, then I must do something about it. If I say to myself that it is the fault of other people or the fault of circumstances, then I put myself in a position where I cannot act, I cannot change – I have to wait for others to change or try to change them. We have the ability, the power to change ourselves. We cannot change others – they must do that for themselves. So we need to actively take responsibility for our lives, for our mental states and we need to take whatever steps necessary to change, to grow away from the unskilful towards the skilful. If we do this we will be effectively Going for Refuge – we will be Buddhists. Of course, we also need to take responsibility for our positive states of mind and acknowledge them and bring awareness to how they arise.

Living and working together as Buddhists is the ideal method to create Sangha. So having looked briefly at what it means to be a Buddhist, let us now consider what this living and working together consists of.

Living together as Buddhists does not mean simply sharing a house for economic, ecological, political or social reasons. Living together as Buddhists in order to create Sangha, spiritual community, means first and foremost entering into communication with each other on the basis of our common ideal and helping each other to change and grow. Everything else is secondary, everything else is a means to that end.

In order to enter into deeper communication with each other we need two things. Firstly we need to access our depths through meditation and study – we need to have some depth of experience, of feeling, of thought, for there to be deeper communication. Secondly we need to spend time together. The more time we spend with someone the more likely we are to go beyond the superficialities of personality and enter into more real communication. So living together as Buddhists involves a deliberate, conscious practice of communication based on our ideals and facilitated by meditation, study and spending time together.

Working together as Buddhists again is not simply about turning up at the same workplace to get a job done. It is about using work as a spiritual practice to help us develop ethical sensitivity, to help us to take responsibility, to help us go beyond our limitations and to help us learn to co-operate. So working together as Buddhists can be one of the most intense spiritual practices we could engage in and consequently one of the most effective ways of bringing about change and growth in us.

The challenge of working with other people, trying to co-operate on a common project and at the same time maintain skilful mental states is very great. It is a constant challenge to go beyond limits of communication and limits of compassion, and move out into the unknown territory of trust and co-operation.

I worked for five years as part of Buddhist team running a health food store and found it to be a challenging, effective and invigorating spiritual practice. It was not easy, changing habits is not easy but the rewards are so tangible and so worthwhile that I always found it difficult to understand why everybody didn't want want to work in that way. It is the most powerful spiritual practice I know and brings about changes in people quite dramatically. I gained a great deal from my time there. I learned discipline which is absolutely necessary for spiritual progress. I learned confidence, friendship and work satisfaction. I had an outlet for my energy. I believe that working together as Buddhists can be one of the most intense and powerful spiritual practices available and I wholeheartedly recommend it.

I said earlier that the best way to create Sangha was for Buddhists to live and work together. And I've given a brief explanation of what it means to be a Buddhist and to live and work together as Buddhists. In practice of course we often fall short of effective Going for Refuge; we all have our lapses from skilfulness, our lapses from taking responsibility for ourselves, our lapses into superficiality and selfishness. Also in practice, for some people it is just not possible to live and work with other Buddhists due to circumstances. However, that is still the most ideal situation in which to change. Those are the most ideal conditions for making our Going for Refuge more and more effective. Of course, having ideal conditions is just a starting point. Just as having a studio doesn't make an artist or having a pen doesn't make a writer. We have to make use of the opportunity.

But bearing in mind our limitations, our fears, our circumstances, it may be that for many of us we need to try to create Sangha and develop communication in less ideal conditions. There are some practical steps that all of us can undertake whether we live and work with other Buddhists and aspiring Buddhists or not.

I'm going to talk about four things in particular – two of which are concerned with ourselves and two of which are concerned with our relationship to others. These are..
  • positive emotion
  • taking responsibility
  • spending time together
  • generosity

Positive Emotion
It is absolutely vital that we develop positive emotion for our Dharma practice to be effective. An effective Dharma practice is one which changes us so that we move from being concerned primarily with ourselves, our needs, our suffering, to being equally concerned with others, with their needs, their suffering. This is not easy.

In a family or in a sexual relationship there are natural and biological ties that move us beyond our concern with ourselves alone – but in the context of the Sangha, the spiritual community, it is only human empathy that draws us out of complete selfishness.

In order to be able to respond to the needs of others we need to have a basis of positive emotion. We need to feel an abundance within us in order to be able to give willingly and freely. In a previous talk I quoted Bhante Sangharakshita as saying that in order to be able to effectively meet the needs of other people there is one need of our own which needs to be fulfilled and that is the need to appreciate our own worth and know that it is appreciated by others, to love ourselves and feel that we are loved by others. ( see Wisdom beyond Words, p.83) This is profoundly and fundamentally important. This is the wellspring of altruism, the source of generosity, the origin of the Bodhisattva Ideal. Until we fulfil this basic need – the need to appreciate our own worth, to love ourselves and know that we are loved by others – know that our worth is appreciated by others – until we get this established in our lives we will find it very difficult to be effective in our attempts to change, to Go for Refuge.

It is important that we don't ignore this. We need to take steps to develop this means of richness and abundance, this appreciation of our worth. We need to practice the Metta Bhavana consistently and imaginatively, we need to focus on what is good in our lives. One idea I came across in a book called “Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers which seems a good idea to me. She suggests keeping what she calls a book of Abundance. She says:

Buy yourself a beautiful notebook, as expensive as you can afford. Start filling it by listing as many positive things in your life – past and present – as you can think of. Don’t stop until you reach 150. Some of you will find more. When you feel you can’t think of any more, you can. Just keep focusing on all the blessings in your life. No matter how small they seem, include them in your book. Each day make entries in your book. Instead of a traditional diary – which for many is comprised of doom and gloom, wish and want – create this book, which in effect simply states ‘I have!’ Note every positive thing, large or small, that happens – a compliment from a friend, a cheerful hello from the postman, a beautiful sky, a chance to contribute, a haircut, a new suit, nourishing food. Notice everything good that happens to you. Look for blessings, and you will notice them all over the place. They will envelop you. There is so much you are not seeing that is already there. There is no need to feel scarcity, when there is such abundance.”

The point here is focussing on what is good and positive in your life – focussing on what you have, appreciating what you have and from this grows the ability to give.

You can develop positive emotion through communication with your friends too – when you are out of touch with what is positive in your life, ask someone to remind you – ask someone to appreciate you, to rejoice in your merits. It might seem artificial but that doesn't matter, what matters is that it works.

Take Responsibility
The next thing I want to look at is taking responsibility for ourselves. This ties in with the attitude of appreciating our own worth. If we appreciate our own worth, we also appreciate our ability to take responsibility for ourselves. Not taking responsibility for ourselves means to go through life feeling like a victim and wallowing in self-pity, blaming other people, moaning and complaining, being passive and staying stuck in the mud of misery. So how can we take responsibility for ourselves?

Well first of all we can stop blaming others for what we feel, what we do and what we are. Just that, stop blaming others. They do not make us respond in a particular way. We have a choice. As Victor Frankl put it:
Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.”
And having spent time in a Nazi concentration camp, he knew what he was talking about.

Now for some people the immediate response to not blaming others would be to start blaming themselves. So a second step in taking responsibility for ourselves is to get rid of irrational guilt. It is part of being an ordinary human being to experience greed, hatred and delusion in some form or other. That's why we need to practice ethics and make efforts to transform ourselves. Irrational guilt or blaming ourselves for not being perfect is of absolutely no use to us. Getting rid of irrational guilt isn't easy. We need to become aware of its presence in our lives first; aware of how it manifests in our lives – we may need the help of others to discover this. And then having become aware of it we need to counteract it through developing positive emotion as mentioned previously or in particularly difficult cases by therapeutic blasphemy. As Sangharakshita says in his essay on Buddhism and Blasphemy, an essay exploring the blasphemy laws in the UK:
The individual has a right to blaspheme. He has a right to commit rational blasphemy because he has the right to freedom of speech, i.e. to the full and frank expression of his opinions, and he has a right to commit therapeutic blasphemy because he has the right to grow, i.e. to develop his human potential to the utttermost. One who was brought up under the oppressive and coercive influence of theological monarchism – and who as a result of that influence is tormented by irrational feelings of fear and guilt, has the right to rid himself of those feelings by openly expressing his resentment against the Power that bears the ultimate responsibility for their being instilled into him, i.e. by committing blasphemy. Christianity is not the only form of theological monarchism, of course. Judaism and Islam are also forms of theological monarchism and those who are brought up under their influence often suffer in the same way as those brought up under the influence of Christianity and have, therefore, the same right to blaspheme.” (The Priceless Jewel, p.111)
Perhaps there are other systems of thought – -isms and -ologies that we need to blaspheme against too – to free ourselves from the chains of irrational guilt. Indeed these days it is probably more likely to be other ideology that keeps us in bondage

Carrying on with the theme of taking responsibility for ourselves – having given up blaming others, counteracted feelings of irrational guilt, we need to start changing habits of complaining and moaning about things. Just like we might make an effort to give up habits like over-eating or smoking, we need to make an effort to give up complaining and moaning. It's just as bad for our health. And just as with smoking or over-eating we need to take one step at a time. We need to try not complaining or criticising for one day or if you're a really bad case, for one hour, and then for one week. Sometimes we have a habit of complaining which is just the normal way we speak ( a verbal habit). It hasn't crossed our minds that it's particularly negative – it's just a habit of speech – it's just our way of saying hello. We can take responsibility for ourselves and the sort of atmosphere we create around us by giving up habits of criticising and complaining.

Then we can look at why we want to be miserable. What comfort do we gain from being miserable?. Self-pity can be a very cosy feeling – very safe. When we say to ourselves “I'm unhappy and it's their fault, nobody cares about me”, we are indulging ourselves in the comfort of being incapable. The end result of this will be that we stay unhappy but also that we never feel we have to do anything to change. If we find ourselves playing this game we need to do all we can to shake ourselves out of it and start living our lives. Not living our lives is a waste. If we find ourselves in the grip of self-pity we need to do something, almost do anything, we need to act, take action to get out of it – take control of our lives, take responsibility for ourselves. We could ask ourselves Does it work? Does self-pity help us to achieve whatever it is we are trying to achieve – does it work?

This leads to something else we need to do in order to take responsibility for ourselves. We need to clarify what we want in life, where we're going and then act on it. We may not have a very definitive picture of what we want to do with our lives, but we can all probably be clear about what is most important to us, what is central and most meaningful in our lives and therefore what we need to do to live our lives more fully.

The final thing I want to say about taking responsibility is that we need to try to be aware of choice in our lives. Sometimes we can bumble along in life as if there was no choice – we are doing what we do and being how we are because that's just the way things are. This is just lack of awareness – we are making unconscious choices and what we need to do is become more conscious in our decision making and more conscious that there are in fact decisions to make, and choices to take. There is no pre-ordained destiny, just actions and their consequences.

Spending Time Together

Friendship is the essence of Sangha and friendship takes time. Falling in love can happen instantaneously but friendship takes time and effort. So I just want to focus on this one aspect of friendship – spending time together. If you want to build a friendship with someone, you need to spend time together. The best way to do this I said earlier is to live and work together but failing that, spending time together regularly is essential for building friendship.

I would encourage you to spend time together if you want to build strong lasting, trusting friendships. In doing so you will be creating the Sangha in the most tangible way possible. The Buddha and Ananda spent more or less all of their time together – we may not be able to manage that, but we should be able to spend 2 hours a week with someone.

Generosity
As Buddhists generosity should be as much a daily practice as meditation. Through meditation we lay the foundations for Wisdom to arise, through generosity we lay the foundations for Compassion to arise. We need to take seriously the practice of generosity and think every day about how we can be generous that day and perhaps at the end of each day review how we have been generous. generosity is the key to happiness in life, or as Susan Jeffers puts it “the trick in life is not figuring out what you can get, but what you can give”.

The spirit of generosity is the spirit of the Sangha, it is the spirit of mutual helpfulness. Through generosity we overcome the barriers of separation between us and begin to live our ideals. Through generosity, egotism and selfishness begins to dissolve into altruism, love and compassion. Altruism,love and compassion are characteristic of the Sangha. The spirit of generosity and acts of generosity is how the Sangha manifests in the world. A Sangha that does not manifest in the world through acts of generosity is not a Sangha, it's a theory.

Now I'd like to look at what might be a hindrance to us in our endeavours to create Sangha. Put simply, selfishness is the greatest obstacle to be overcome if we want to create Sangha. There is one particular manifestation of selfishness that I'd like to focus on today because I think it is a major hindrance to the development of Sangha and indeed to Buddhist practice generally.

This form of selfishness is variously referred to as low self-esteem, lack of confidence, self-hatred and so on. This low self-esteem really gets in the way of making spiritual progress and it can play havoc with communication by bringing all sorts of assumptions into play. Assumptions about what the the other person is thinking or feeling which have no objective basis but are necessary for keeping the low self-esteem in place. Low self-esteem or lack of confidence is a bad habit. There are probably all sorts of reasons why it has become a habit – to do with upbringing, so-called religious conditioning, fear and so on and if it is so bad that it has become pathological we may need professional therapeutic or counselling help. However for most of us it is a bad habit that we need to to bring awareness to in the present and take steps to deal with.

Sometimes we need to ask ourselves whether in fact we do want to change, whether we want to leave low self-esteem behind us or whether in fact it is too much of a comfort for us to part with. In order to change this habitual mental state we need to act, to take up a challenge. We need to do things. If we wait to become confident before acting we won't become confident. Confidence comes to us as a consequence of what we do. If we act, in spite of lack of confidence we will gain confidence. This is the law of Karma. Karma means action.

In one of his talks, Subhuti said this about Karma:
One of the reasons I think why we become obsessed with our own feelings is that we have little conviction in the efficacy of action. We don't actually believe that acting can in the end change the way we feel. Therefore we look for techniques and remedies – professional help, the stars, needles, whatever it is – in order to change us because we have no faith in the principle of karma. And this is pretty fundamental. As Buddhists, in Going for Refuge to the Dharma, this is one of the major principles that we take on. We take on the perspective that the universe is fundamentally moral, that morality, that ethics, is part of the nature of things. It is not something adventitious or added on or sort of made up or invented by man. It is not something that we can choose to have or not to have. The universe is, as it were,moral in its very nature. Skilful action always brings about the appropriate responses, the appropriate effects within the universe and within our own minds. It is not haphazard or random. The universe does not play dice with us. The principle of karma does not play dice with us. The effects that we get from our actions are part of the nature of things; it is the way things actually are. This is part of the meaning of Dharma, that in a sense you could say that our effort is rewarded. This is something that we can have complete confidence in.” (Subhuti, Padmaloka Books, Are Their Ethics in the Order,p.10)

Karma means that we can change. Karma means that we will change if we act skilfully. We need to act in the face of our fears and our actions will have the beneficial effect of changing us into more mature, confident, adult people with a capacity to live life more fully. Of course friendship also has the effect of combatting our low self-esteem. When somebody cares for us persistently it can breach the barriers of self-hatred and allow the light of metta to shine for us.

In order to create Sangha, to build connections with other Buddhists on the basis of our common ideals, we need to take action – we especially need to develop positive emotion and take responsibility for ourselves. We need to spend time together with our friends and we need to act on our generous impulses. If we act like this then the law of Karma guarantees that there will be a positive, beneficial outcome for ourselves and others.

Perhaps there is still one fundamental question I haven't dealt with in connection with creating Sangha and that is, why bother? Why bother creating a Sangha, why bother making connections with people, why bother building friendships?

Well it may be that there are all sorts of reasons which are pretty obvious to you, but I'll just mention one. One central reason why we should bother to create Sangha by building friendships, is because the interconnectedness of human beings is an aspect of Reality. We are not in reality separate independent units of consciousness with no connection to each other. In Reality we are interdependent and interconnected. We are inextricably bound up with each other and indeed with all sentient life. To create Sangha, to build friendships is to be in tune with Reality. It is to be in line with how things really are, how the world, the universe really is. And to be in tune with Reality is the way to overcome suffering. To be out of tune with Reality is to be in the realm of suffering. A good reason then to bother about taking responsibility for ourselves and creating the friendships which are the building bricks of Sangha is that it leads to a decrease in suffering and an increase in positivity and joy for both ourselves and others.


In the Gandhavyuha Sutra the boy Srisambhava and the girl Srimala praise spiritual friendship at length emphasising that we should put consistent effort in developing friendship. spiritual friendship helps the Bodhisattva in various ways – the Sutra puts it like this:
Oh son of a noble family, kept back by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas do not fall into the pits of woeful existences; surrounded by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas do not turn away from the Great Career (Mahayana); exhorted by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas do not forsake the teachings of the Bodhisattvas; guarded by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas do not come under the power of bad friends; protected by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas do not lose the essential qualities of Bodhisattvas; directed by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas go beyond the world of ordinary men; taught by friends in the good life the Bodhisatvas do not lower themselves to the level of Sravakas and Pratyeka-buddhas; shielded by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas have risen above the world; tended by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas are not defiled by worldly things; guarded by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas are irreproachable as to their behaviour in all walks of life; uplifted by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas do not leave (unfinished) whatever (task) they have begun; taught and guarded by friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas cannot be attacked by the defilements of selfish actions; having gained their strength from friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas are invincible by all the armies of Mara; relying on friends in the good life the Bodhisattvas increase in the characteristics of Enlightenment.” (quoted in Sangharakshita, The Eternal Legacy, p 227)

That is a good place to end.



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