Deepening Harmony

 

This talk was given at an men's Area Order weekend at Adhisthana February 2023

I will start not with an anecdote or story from my own experience, but with my own opinion on the question of harmony in our Triratna Buddhist Order. My own speculative opinion. Is there a deepening harmony in our order? Is there a deepening or maturing harmony or unity in our Order. This question reminds me of something Bhante once said when asked a question about deep communication – he said that for deep communication you need deep people!

For deep harmony we need deep people too. For mature harmony we need spiritually mature people. In my opinion we do have a lot of spiritually mature people in our Order and therefore a lot of deepening and maturing harmony too. When I first joined the Order in 1988 my experience of chapter meetings and regional order weekends was that they often had a strong element of conflict with lots of angry disagreement and arguments. These days, as far as I can tell, there is much less, if any, of that.

I think that gradually over the years the ordination training processes, the ordination courses, the private preceptor system and the private preceptor retreats have been a few of the institutions that have all contributed to a deepening harmony.

Even more significant perhaps is that many of us have now been practising sincerely and effectively for decades and this has led to the presence in the Order of many individuals of considerable spiritual maturity, (not that long service necessarily equals spiritual maturity!). This, in my opinion, means that at the heart of the Order there is considerable unity and harmony, because there is trust, goodwill, spiritual maturity and a lot of very long-standing friendships.

Many of us have connections that go back decades and often those connections are based on shared experiences of either living or working together or being on retreat together or even of having been in conflict.

My life has been interwoven with the lives of many of you here in one way or another. And this is a story that is repeated throughout our Order. On Conventions there is a palpable feeling of friendship and connection that creates a very joyful atmosphere.

There are many strong bonds between us, and those bonds have been further strengthened, deepened and matured by the work that we have individually done on ourselves over the years and even decades.

So, yes, in my opinion, the Order, our precious and fragile Order, does have a deepening and maturing harmony and unity at its heart. One thing about harmony is that it is very quiet, even silent often, and can easily go unnoticed, whereas disharmony tends to be loud, even dramatic and is always sure to be noticed and to draw attention to itself. This is how the world is – it is conflict, war and destruction that get all the attention, whereas, peace, friendliness and constructive initiatives get much less attention.

I have said that it’s my opinion that there is considerable harmony and unity in the Order. I wanted to emphasise that it’s an opinion, because I don’t expect or need it to be everybody’s opinion. Opinions, after all, are speculative and based on the limited information afforded to us by our own observation and experience or maybe what we have heard or read. We all have different experiences, which are likely to lead us to different opinions.

I think the key thing about opinions is that we need to hold them lightly, not get too attached to them, too identified or obsessed with them. Being identified with opinions or views is what leads to arguments and arguments can often lead to hostility and hostility is the fuel that ignites the fires of disharmony. When we are personally identified with a view or opinion, then criticism of it is experienced as criticism of oneself and even a threat to our sense of self.

In one of his sets of fifteen points for Order Members, Bhante says “don’t argue, discuss”. The difference between an argument and a discussion is that in an argument we want to win, or even have to win, whereas in a discussion we are simply trying to arrive at the truth.

This distinction is drawn out in a different way by the Buddha in the Kosambiya Sutta (MN 48). Here is the opening of the Sutta,

Thus, have I heard. On one occasion the Blessed One was living at Kosambī in Ghosita’s park. Now on that occasion the bhikkhus at Kosambī had taken to quarrelling and brawling, and were deep in disputes, stabbing each other with verbal daggers. They could neither convince each other nor be convinced by others; they could neither persuade each other nor be persuaded by others

Then a certain bhikkhu went to the Blessed One, and after paying homage to him, he sat down at one side and informed him of what was happening.

Then the Blessed One addressed a certain bhikkhu, “Come bhikkhu, tell those bhikkhus in my name that the Teacher calls them.”

“Yes, venerable sir,” he replied, and he went to those bhikkhus and told them, “The Teacher calls the venerable ones.”

“Yes, friend,” they replied, and they went to the Blessed One and after paying homage him, they sat down at one side.

The Blessed One then asked them, “Bhikkhus, is it true, that you have taken to quarrelling and brawling, and are deep in disputes, stabbing each other with verbal daggers. That you can neither convince each other nor be convinced by others; that you can neither persuade each other nor be persuaded by others

“Yes, venerable sir,”

“Bhikkhus, what do you think? When you take to quarrelling and brawling and are deep in disputes, stabbing each other with verbal daggers, do you on that occasion maintain acts of loving-kindness by body, speech and mind in public and in private towards your companions in the holy life?”

“No, venerable sir.”

“So bhikkhus, when you take to quarrelling and brawling and are deep in disputes, stabbing each other with verbal daggers, on that occasion you do not maintain acts of loving-kindness by body, speech and mind in public and in private towards your companions in the holy life? Misguided men, what can you possibly know, what can you see, that you take to quarrelling and brawling and are deep in disputes, stabbing each other with verbal daggers? That you can neither convince each other nor be convinced by others; that you can neither persuade each other nor be persuaded by others? Misguided men, that will lead to your harm and suffering for a long time.”

 

Then the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus thus: “Bhikkhus there are these six memorable qualities that create love and respect and conduce to helpfulness, to non-dispute, to concord and to unity. What are the six?

I don’t have time to go into the six principles the Buddha mentions. You’ll have to look them up yourself. I just want to draw your attention to three things in this opening to the sutta.

I think it’s noteworthy that when the Bhikkhus come to him the first thing he does is repeat what he has heard and ask them if it’s true. He makes no assumptions and establishes that they are ‘on the same page’, so to speak, before proceeding. Is it true? Is an important first question, especially if we hear something critical about another person. The question – is it true? – could, maybe, avoid a lot of hurt and disharmony. I’m sure the Buddha didn’t think the first monk was lying to him. But sometimes there are subtleties and circumstances that are not immediately obvious – so, is it true? Is a good starting point.

Then the Buddha gets down to the crux of the matter and this is, perhaps, the single most important point in this talk. He asks them – when you are in dispute, stabbing each other with verbal daggers, do you at the same time maintain Metta, an attitude of loving kindness, in body, speech and mind, in public and in private, towards your companions in the holy life? What a question to ask! No beating about the bush there!

Imagine being asked – when you are deep in dispute or discussion on some online forum or in your chapter or Centre Team – do you maintain acts, and words and thoughts of loving kindness in public and in private towards those you are in dispute with.

This is the test as to whether it is an argument or a discussion, whether it is a case of hostilities in which both parties are intent on winning or a discussion in which all parties are interested in exploring something together.

Metta or an attitude of loving kindness is the absolutely essential key to deepening or maturing harmony in the Order. Metta in public and in private. Friendliness in public and in private. A heart of loving care and concern for the spiritual welfare of our fellow Order Members experienced and expressed in public and in private. This is what the Buddha says and the first three of his six principles for harmony or unity reinforce that. To maintain acts of loving-kindness by body, speech and mind in public and in private towards your companions in the holy life.

Having established that the Bhikkhus are engaging in hostile arguments and lacking in metta, the Buddha admonishes them.

Misguided men, what can you possibly know, what can you see, that you take to quarrelling and brawling and are deep in disputes, stabbing each other with verbal daggers?

He is not pleased with them. He even stops calling them Bhikkhus. May be he thinks they are not worthy to be called Bhikkhus (or Order Members!). I think the Buddha is being a bit ironic when he asks – what can you know, what can you see ? At least it’s a rhetorical question.

What he is saying in effect is that your behaviour shows that you are not spiritually mature. This phrase “knowing and seeing” or “knowledge and vision” occurs quite a lot in the Pali Canon and usually in a very positive sense, indicating Insight or Stream Entry. The seventh link of the positive nidanas is yathabhutajnanadarshana – knowledge and vision of things as they really are. Knowledge and vision, knowing and seeing are the hallmarks of spiritual maturity. The Buddha is telling these misguided men that they are not spiritually mature and are in fact heading in the opposite direction – leading to their own harm and suffering for a long time.

From this we can gather that disharmony in the Order and hostility between Order Members isn’t just bad for the Order, it is also very detrimental to the individuals involved – leading to their own harm and suffering for a long time. I would even venture to say that it is even more harmful and destructive for the individuals concerned than it is for the Order as a whole. The Order rolls on but the individuals can be left with wounded hearts for months, years or even decades.

The silver lining to this cloud is of course that the opposite holds true as well. Where there is friendliness, goodwill, metta, genuine care and concern for the spiritual welfare of others, there will be very beneficial consequences for both the individuals and the Order and for a long time.

The point as Bhante puts it is that we need to discuss rather than argue. But perhaps that is not so easy – what begins as a discussion can sometimes easily and quickly become an argument. This is because we can so quickly get attached to or identify ourselves with a particular position.

As Bhante puts it:

“There will always be the possibility of argument so long as ego is there. Ego will always tend to try to creep in, to smuggle itself into discussion and when that happens, discussion will turn, unfortunately, into argument.” (15 points for old and new Order Members, p.16)

Another way of talking about this whole issue of unity or harmony is in terms of skilfulness and unskilfulness. In the Dvedhavittaka Sutta (MN 19) the Budhha says “ Bhikkhus, before my enlightenment when I was only an unenlightened Bodhisatta, it occurred to me “ suppose I divide my thoughts into two classes, Then I set on one side thoughts of sensual desire, thoughts of ill will and thoughts of cruelty and I set on the other side thoughts of renunciation, thoughts of non-illwill and thoughts of non-cruelty” . He goes on to explain how he worked with his mind by discouraging unskilful mental states and encouraging skilful mental states and he adds “Bhikkhus, whatever a Bhikkhu frequently thinks and ponders upon, that will become the inclination of his mind.”

It’s very simple and straightforward –“whatever a Bhikkhu (or an Order Member) frequently thinks and ponders upon, that will become the inclination of his mind.” Fortunately, we have the Ten Precepts to guide us in this practice of distinguishing skilfulness from unskilfulness, to guide us in what to focus on in our thoughts, actions and communication.

The Ten Precepts are not just a guide for us individually, but also, perhaps, the single most unifying practice we have as Order Members. Order Members do a variety of meditation practices from Just Sitting right through to elaborate visualisation practices. Order Members have their preferences in what to study or read about the Dharma. Order Members have lots of different lifestyles.

But one thing all Order Members have in common is that at the time of our ordination we undertook to observe the Ten Precepts, Every Order Member has vowed to give expression to their going for refuge by practising the Ten Precepts. So, these Ten Precepts are a very significant and unifying factor for us. They are a major contribution to harmony in the Order, especially if we frequently think upon and ponder them, so that they become the inclination of our mind.

It is very important for us individually and as an Order that we do practice the Ten Precepts. It’s important that we know how to practise the precepts, how to develop and take further our practice of the precepts. You could say it’s important that we have knowledge and vision of the precepts. It is easy for us to assume that because we have read and studied the Ten Pillars, that we have done all that is necessary to support our understanding and practice of the precepts. But have we?

Perhaps we could take a fresh look at the Ten Precepts and take a fresh look at how we practise them. We do this frequently in relation to meditation and we do this in refreshing our knowledge of the Dharma. Perhaps we could likewise reflect on whether we are relating to the precepts in a way appropriate to our general level of practice.

Could we say of ourselves, as Bhante said of himself, “as the years go by I see more and more clearly, how profound is the significance, and how far reaching the implications – both theoretical and practical of each apparently simple precept.” Could we say that we see more and more clearly the profound significance of the precepts? I just want to say one thing about the practice of the precepts before I go on to the principles of skilful communication.

We are all of course aware of the importance of confession as a support to skilfulness, but I would also like to emphasise rejoicing in skilfulness as a support. I think it would be good for us to rejoice in our own skilfulness and that of others more.

In the parable of the return journey in the White Lotus Sutra the poor man spends years shovelling dirt, before gradually getting accustomed to the jewels and wealth of the rich man’s house. When it comes to ethical practice, we do of course have to shovel away the dirt – although after many years of practice we could expect a quick sweep with dustpan and brush would be enough. In addition to shovelling or sweeping away the dirt, we need to accustom ourselves to the treasure and wealth which is ours. The treasure and wealth of our skilfulness. It’s important to acknowledge to ourselves that we are skilful, that we are capable of even greater skilfulness, and it is not beyond the realms of possibility for us to enter the rich man’s house and fully partake of our Dharmic inheritance.

In short, we need to encourage ourselves and each other by rejoicing in our skilfulness and not focussing exclusively on our backsliding. We need to build on what we have done rather than always focus on what we have not done. Encouragement is essential to progress.

Let’s look at the speech precepts or the principles of skilful communication. We frequently chant the ten precepts and are all familiar with the principles of truthful, kindly, helpful and harmonising communication. By the way, I imagine you have noticed that this is not the order in which the speech precepts appear in the Pali Canon or the Mahayana sutras. You are probably also aware that Bhante speaks of the speech precepts as a hierarchy, going from truthful to harmonious in ascending order. This is also not traditional. This is Bhante’s gift to us. The usual order, using our terminology is truthful, harmonious, kindly and beneficial.

We could add two more principles of skilful communication to this list – listening and timeliness.

There is no communication, skilful or otherwise, without listening. And listening, in order to be a principle of skilful communication, needs to include more than simply taking in information. Listening highlights the aspect of awareness or mindfulness as applied to communication and therefore it involves a full awareness of the other person, not just their words. In this sense, listening is much more difficult to practise when the communication is in writing or via the internet or phone.

Not everyone is capable of expressing themselves fully or even adequately in writing. I would hazard a guess that most of us are only articulate in a rudimentary fashion when it comes to writing. Being able to convey, not only content, but feeling, atmosphere and subtle nuances in writing is probably an art that most of us have not achieved. This is something to take into account when communicating in writing and even more so when we receive a written communication.

I have sometimes mediated between people who were in conflict and nearly always the main issue was that they were not listening to each other. When the element of listening is introduced, sometimes the issue is solved almost magically.

The next principle of skilful communication is truthfulness. Truthfulness is an obvious necessity and something the world needs more than ever, now that the subversion of truth has become such a potent force in politics and media, and misinformation is a monetised commodity. We have corporations like Twitter (now X) and Facebook who are willing to allow lies to spread around the world so long as their profits are not adversely affected. Perhaps we could ask ourselves, is it skilful for us as Order Members to support these corporations by using their products?

As we all know truthfulness is not just about being factually accurate but also about not exaggerating, understating or omitting things. In the Cunda Sutta the Buddha defines false speech as a person “consciously speaking falsehood for his own ends, or for another’s ends or for some trifling worldly gain.” That’s a definition of misinformation.

I’m going to skip kindly speech for now. I think the precepts that encompass the principles of beneficial and harmonious communication are the two key precepts for Order Members.

Again, going to the Cunda Sutta (AN10:176) here is how the precept on beneficial speech is laid out in its positive formulation. Someone who is observing the precept: “speaks at the proper time, speaks truth, (it has to be true to be beneficial), speaks what is beneficial, Speaks on the Dharma and discipline; at the proper time speaks such words as are valuable, reasonable, succinct and beneficial.”

So, when we recite “With helpful communication, I purify my speech”, the word ‘helpful’ stands for all of this – communicating at the proper time, communicating the truth, communicating what is beneficial, communicating the Dharma and discipline, communicating words that are valuable (literally to be treasured), communicating what is reasonable, and succinct or to the point.

The principle of timeliness, timely communication, is included here. Timely, of course means at the right time - we could say it's about being appropriate in our communication.

 

In the Abhayarajakumara Sutta (MN 58) the Buddha makes this the key principle of skilful communication. Timeliness, which doesn’t appear explicitly in our recitation of the precepts, is the key principle of skilful communication. It is not enough for communication to be truthful and beneficial; it must be at the right time. The Abhayakumara Sutta does not mention harmonious speech at all, but it is clear that being appropriate or timely would conduce to harmony as well as to the welfare of the individual. For the Buddha this precept encapsulates the whole of skilful communication.

This precept about beneficial or helpful communication is very far reaching and to practise it thoroughly requires a lot of reflection and awareness of others. Imagine before you write a response to someone’s post online or respond to an email, you first of all ask yourself, what do I want to communicate? Why do I want to communicate it? Who am I communicating with? Am I being truthful? Am I communicating for the spiritual welfare of someone? Am I being reasonable? And is this the appropriate time? perhaps we would have less to say. Maybe we should start a slow internet movement (SIM), like the slow food movement. Everyone takes a long time before responding to anything! According to Bhante, in his talk on right speech, silence is the highest form of communication.

The Cunda Sutta says that the person who is unskilful in this way “indulges in idle chatter. He speaks at an improper time, speaks falsely, speaks what is unbeneficial, speaks contrary to the Dhamma and discipline; at an improper time, he speaks such words as are worthless, unreasonable, rambling and unbeneficial.”

 

This precept is about more than frivolous speech in the sense of someone who prattles on about what's on TV or about sport or fashion or the like. It is about that kind of chattering, of course - Samphappala literally means 'talking nonsense'. But the more expanded version of the precept mentions communication that is unhelpful, unreasonable, rambling. It's communication that is contrary to the Teachings and practices of Buddhism – contrary means opposite in nature, direction or meaning.

 

This is more than just talking nonsense. It's nonsense that is definitely unhelpful, false and purveying wrong views. And it is also said to be spoken at the wrong time. This doesn't mean that there is a right time for talking rubbish! It means that in idle chatter there is a strong element of being unaware of who you're speaking to and the circumstances and conditions around you.

 

There is a huge amount of trivia and opinionatedness that we can be exposed to, and this is something we need to be aware of and do something about, if we want to access the depths and gain some insight into the nature of existence. This is probably one of the most difficult and urgent training tasks facing all Order Members. We are at the mercy of media technology and it's going to demand quite an effort to free ourselves from the unhelpful and addictive aspects of this. There is a battle for our attention in progress and at present, we are generally on the losing side.

 

Next is the principle of harmonious communication. First of all, this means avoiding divisive communication, avoiding communication that is likely or intended to cause division between people.

 

Then according to the Cunda Sutta someone who is practising this precept “brings together the discordant, restores harmony, harmony is his delight, he exults in, is passionately fond of harmony; he utters speech that makes for harmony.” The word translated as harmony is ‘samagga’. Others translate it as ‘unity’ or ‘concord’ or even ‘cordiality’.

 

The positive precept, you’ll notice, has two aspects, an active and an emotional. It is about actively restoring, promoting and creating unity and harmony and it is also about simply delighting in and rejoicing in unity and harmony, - delighting in, exulting in, being passionately fond of harmony. This is the spirit of the precept. It’s not just about avoiding back-biting and gossip. It’s a passionate pursuit of harmony.

 

It has been further developed in the Mahayana to include the Sangrahavastu of priyavadita and the nirukti pratisamvid. One of the practices of a Bodhisattva is what is called the ‘act of gathering’, which basically means creating a spiritual community. And part of this is skilful communication, harmonising communication, clear communication, even helping people to understand the meaning of words and what is to be taken literally or metaphorically. Bhante has done all of this for us. We are the result of his Bodhisattva ‘act of gathering’. In our practice of this precept, we can aim to take it to the heights of this Bodhisattva practice and continue to deepen and enhance this act of gathering that Bhante set in motion.

 

The other principle of skilful communication is what we call kindly communication. When you read the Pali terms used to describe this principle, it becomes clear that it is something like polite or courteous communication or even gracious, as we used to recite. The Cunda Sutta says that the person practising this precept, “speaks such words as are gentle, pleasing to the ear, and affectionate, as go to the heart, are courteous, desired by many, and agreeable to many.” If you go to the Pali dictionary and look up all the positive terms associated with this precept you find – gentle, pleasing, affectionate, amiable, charming, agreeable, pleasant, courteous, polite, lovely, delightful.

 

It’s as if this precept is not so much about what you say as about how you say it, the tone of voice and language used. It is about finding the right way to convey the message of Metta. And of course this is doubly difficult in written communication. In his second set of fifteen points for Order Members, Bhante does touch on this under the heading of ‘be more ceremonious’, when he talks about manners.

 

These are the six ways that we are training ourselves in skilful communication – listening, truthfulness, timeliness, helpfulness, harmonising and kindness. Our training in skilful communication can be very strongly challenged if other people are very critical of us or even verbally attack us or insult us or disagree with us. Our hackles rise, we become quickly defensive and start to sharpen the verbal daggers. This is the natural egoistical response and in the face of this we have to make quite a strong effort.

 

In the Akkosa Sutta (SN 7:2) the Buddha is abused and insulted by Akkosaka Bharadvaja. The Buddha responds by asking him if when he offers food to guests and they decline to take it, who does it belong to. Of course, Bharadvaja says it still belongs to him. The Buddha then says, "In the same way, brahmin, that with which you have insulted me, who is not insulting; that with which you have taunted me, who is not taunting; that with which you have berated me, who is not berating: that I don't accept from you. It's all yours, brahmin. It's all yours.”

 

He then goes on to say, “Brahmin, whoever returns insult to one who is insulting, returns taunts to one who is taunting, returns a berating to one who is berating, is said to be eating together, sharing company, with that person. But I am neither eating together nor sharing your company, brahmin. It's all yours. It's all yours."

Usually when we hear this kind of story we identify with the Buddha and have a laugh at Bharadvaja’s expense. However, what the Buddha is really saying to Bharadvaja is your mental states belong to you, you need to take responsibility for them. And this of course applies to us whether we are the ones on the receiving end of verbal abuse or the ones dishing it out.

 

We are all capable of being an Akkosaka Bharadvaja, in our thoughts, if not in words and it may be useful to reflect whether we want to partake of the meal. If the meal is a verbal slanging match, whether in person or in writing, is it a meal that will nourish us spiritually or are we causing ourselves harm and suffering and that for a long time. The Buddha is also pointing out that we not only have a choice about how to respond to whatever communication comes towards us, but we also have a choice about whether to engage with it at all.

 

Most of us rarely, if ever, have to deal with that kind of insult or attack, but whether we do or not, we still have the challenge of being skilful in our communication and not in a superficial way but in a way that really promotes the unity and harmony of the Order.

 

I said at the beginning that deep harmony requires deep people. That means that our personal practice of skilfulness, meditation, study, retreats and friendship will all contribute to the unity and harmony of the Order as we individually change and grow and become more and more spiritually mature.

 

What we really need is to go deep enough to have a lived experience of the truth of pratitya samutpada. If we could thoroughly understand the implications of pratitya samutpada, if we could realise and have a lived experience of pratitya samutpada we would quite spontaneously delight and rejoice in harmony.

 

When more and more of us experience ourselves in terms of the laws of conditionality, or in terms of shunyata or in terms of inter-conditionality or interdependence – whatever concept we use – when more and more of us have a lived experience of this reality, then there will truly be a deepening and maturing harmony among us. In the meantime let’s improve our practice and knowledge and vision of the Ten Precepts, the single most unifying practice of our Order.